"Why?" opens up your world: how asking questions makes life richer

Kids ask nearly 300 questions a day

According to a survey of 1,000 mothers in the UK by the online retailer Littlewoods.com, reported by the British newspaper The Telegraph in 2013, children ask an average of 288 questions a day, and 4-year-old girls, the most curious group, ask as many as 390 a day. Harvard psychologist Paul Harris also estimates that children ask a total of about 40,000 questions between the ages of 2 and 5. "Why is the sky blue?" "Why do dogs go woof?" "Why do I have to take a bath?" From the moment they wake up until they go to bed, their world is full of "why?"

But as we grow up, the number of questions we ask drops noticeably.

Why do adults stop asking? "I don't want people to think I don't know." "I don't want to look stupid." "I'll read the room and stay quiet." As we get older, something starts putting the brakes on asking questions. Maybe someone at school once said, "You don't even know that?" Maybe you asked a question in a meeting and were told, "That's in the handout." Small hurts like these pile up, and the power to ask questions shrinks.

What adults who stop asking are losing

What happens when you stop asking questions? First, new knowledge stops coming in. Asking a question means admitting there's something you don't know. Not asking means you've unconsciously decided, "I already know enough." In reality, though, we're surrounded by things we don't know.

Next, your relationships get shallower. Surface-level small talk like "How's it going?" or "You doing OK?" won't show you who someone really is. Asking things like "What are you into lately?" or "What's your favorite moment at work?" lets you reach what's inside them.

And your own growth stops. Asking questions is also a way of doubting how things are right now. "Why do we do it this way?" "Isn't there a better way?" Asking yourself questions like these leads to improvement and growth. People who don't ask don't doubt the way things are, so they keep staying in the same place.

A question box helps you get your power to ask back

A question box gives adults a chance to get back the power to ask that they've lost.

The biggest feature of a question box is anonymity. Being anonymous takes off the brakes of "I don't want people to think I don't know" and "I don't want to look stupid." If you don't have to give your name, you can send any question. The hesitation of "Is it OK to ask something this basic?" goes away.

Sending a question is itself rehab for your curiosity. You think, "What do I want to ask this person?" You think it over, put it into words, and press the Send button. As you repeat this, the feeling of wondering "Huh, why is that?" in everyday life comes back.

The same goes for the owner of the question box. To answer the questions that arrive, you sort out your thoughts and put them into words. Even a simple question like "What's your favorite movie?" makes you ask yourself, "Why do I like this movie?" Someone else's question becomes a question to yourself. This cycle deepens your thinking.

Curiosity goes together with respect for the other person

The power to ask is a wonderful thing, but it only works in a healthy way when it comes with respect for the other person. That's because when the urge to know gets out of control, curiosity easily turns into prying.

Trying to dig up things the other person doesn't want to answer isn't curiosity. It's barging into their private space. Truly rich curiosity means trying to get to know someone better while respecting how much they want to show.

Always weigh "I want to ask" against "how the other person feels." It's that sense of restraint that lets questions make the other person happy and bring you closer. Curiosity that never forgets respect is the warmest power that connects people.

A good question is one you don't know the answer to

You don't need to get tense about asking a "good question." A good question is one the sender doesn't know the answer to.

"How tall is Tokyo Tower?" can be answered with a 3-second search. That's not a question to send to a question box. "What does seeing Tokyo Tower remind you of?" is a question only that person can answer. There's an answer that belongs only to them, one you can't find by searching. That's the kind of question that fits a question box.

Questions with no right answer are good questions too. "Dog person or cat person?" has no right answer. But when you hear someone's answer and the reason behind it, you can see their values and personality. Because there's no right answer, each answer shows personality. And because personality shows, it's fun to read.

The power to ask is like a muscle: if you don't use it, it gets weaker. A question box is like a gym for training that muscle. In the safe space of anonymity, you casually send a question. You read the answer and think, "I see." Then you send another question.

Let's get back the "why?" we had as kids. The more you ask, the more interesting the world becomes.