Know yourself with a question box: the values others' questions reveal

You're the person who knows yourself least

"What does work mean to you?" Even if you ask yourself this question, an answer doesn't come easily. But when a follower sends you the same question through your question box, the words somehow start to flow.

Findings from psychology can explain this too. Organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich, known for her research on self-awareness, divided self-awareness into 2 types: "internal self-awareness" (understanding your own values, feelings, and patterns of behavior) and "external self-awareness" (understanding how others see you). She points out that reflecting on your own isn't enough to deepen self-awareness, and that feedback and questions from others are needed as a catalyst.

A question box is a tool that gives you these "questions from others" anonymously, continuously, and from many different angles. Questions from angles you wouldn't think of yourself shine a light on what's inside you.

Writing an answer organizes your thinking

Writing answers in your question box works as a kind of journaling (meditation through writing). Research on expressive writing that psychologist James Pennebaker has carried on since the 1980s has reported that people who wrote about emotional experiences showed improvements in their mental and physical health afterward.

What makes question box answers different from regular journaling is that the question comes from outside. When people write a diary, they tend to write only about what they want to think about. But in a question box, you're asked to answer about topics you don't normally think about. "What's your biggest regret in life?" "What do you hope for from yourself 10 years from now?" "How do you define happiness?" Facing these questions sheds light on parts of yourself you haven't explored yet.

While you're writing an answer, there are moments when you realize, "Oh, so this is what I was thinking." A thought that existed vaguely in your head takes clear shape for the first time as you put it into writing. This "discovery through putting things into words" is the heart of what makes a question box a tool for understanding yourself.

The questions you get again and again show your core

When you run a question box for a long time, you notice that questions on similar topics keep arriving from different senders. "What motivates you at work?" "Why did you choose that field?" "What values do you care about most?" Even if the wording is different, what they're asking at heart is the same.

These topics you're asked about again and again are your core as others see it. What your followers most want to know about you, and the part of your posts that draws the most interest, show up in the form of questions.

If you line up your answers on these repeated topics in time order, you can see how your way of thinking has changed. If you compare an answer from a year ago with one from now and you're saying the same thing, that's a belief of yours that won't be shaken. If it's changed, thinking about why lets you trace the path of your growth.

Your question box's public page is an archive of your thoughts. Rereading past answers is a conversation with your past self. "So that's what I was thinking back then." "Now I'd answer it like this." Looking back like this gives you clues for understanding yourself even more deeply.

Unexpected questions light up your blind spots

When it comes to understanding yourself, the most valuable questions are the unexpected ones. You get asked about an area you don't think you're good at. Someone digs deeper into an experience you didn't think was important. Someone points out a contradiction in you.

A question like "Why are you always X?" sometimes points out a behavior pattern you had without realizing it. A question like "Your posts always have X about them. Do you do that on purpose?" tells you about habits in how you post that you hadn't noticed.

In what psychology calls the "Johari window," these questions are the key to opening the "blind spot" (the part of you that others know but you don't). Through other people's questions, you can reach parts of your self-awareness that are hard to reach on your own. This is a value unique to a question box.

It's important not to get defensive about unexpected questions and to take them openly, like "That's an interesting point of view. I'd never thought about it." Defensive answers close off a chance to understand yourself, while open answers open the door to discovering something new about yourself.

Make your question box a place to talk with yourself

To use your question box on purpose as a tool for understanding yourself, a few habits help.

Pause for just 30 seconds before writing an answer. If you ask yourself, "What do I really think about this question?" before you start writing, your answer comes from inside you instead of staying on the surface.

After writing an answer, look back and ask, "Why did I answer this way?" By thinking not only about what you answered but also about why you chose that answer, you start to see your values and how you make decisions.

Reread your past answers once a month. Read your answers from a month ago and ask yourself whether you'd still say the same thing. If you would, it confirms you're consistent. If not, looking for the reason behind the change lets you feel your growth.

A question box is a tool for communicating with your followers, and at the same time, a tool for talking with yourself. Use other people's questions as a mirror that reflects what's inside you. Just being aware of this double role changes your question box experience a lot. Every time you write an answer, you give your followers something of value while also deepening your understanding of yourself. There aren't many tools for personal growth that are this efficient.