Ignoring

Overview

Ignoring means deliberately not responding to what someone says or does, or to their presence. While silence neutrally describes "not responding," ignoring carries the sense of an active choice: "deliberately refusing to respond."

Ignoring is a form of social exclusion. A 2003 study by Eisenberger and colleagues (with Williams as a co-author) reported that when people were socially excluded, activity rose in a brain region known from research on physical pain. In other words, even though ignoring is an act of "doing nothing," it can cause the other person real pain. This imbalance lies behind the trouble around ignoring.

The two sides of ignoring in a question box

Ignoring a question in a question box can be justified in some cases and a problem in others.

Justified ignoring: malicious questions, spam, prying for personal information, trolling. Not reacting to these is a way to protect yourself, and also a strategy of not feeding the trolls. There are cases where ignoring is the right response.

Problematic ignoring: skipping well-meant questions because they're a hassle, selectively ignoring only certain senders, or leaving your question box alone and ignoring every question. These can damage senders' trust or make the question box community wither.

Ignoring versus skipping

Ignoring and skipping are similar, but they carry different psychological weight. Skipping has a light sense of "I happened to miss it" or "it wasn't a priority." Ignoring has the heavy sense of "I saw it and deliberately didn't respond."

Of course you can't answer every question, and that's skipping. But if you keep deliberately avoiding a particular sender or a particular topic, that's ignoring, and the other person is likely to pick up on that intent. "Not answering" and "ignoring" are the same action on the outside, but the mindset behind them is different.