Name it and it's less scary: affect labeling and question box worries

What that "something feels off" feeling really is

A critical question arrived in your question box. You could just delete it, but something still feels off. You could just not care, but it won't leave your head. What is this uneasy feeling, really?

Is it "anger," "sadness," "anxiety," or "frustration"? While you're in that uneasy state, even you can't really tell. This state of "not really knowing" is thought to be one of the reasons the uneasy feeling drags on.

In an experiment reported in 2007 by UCLA neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman and his colleagues, when people "put a name" to the feeling while looking at images with negative emotional content, the response of the amygdala (the part of the brain that processes fear and anxiety) was weaker than when they handled the images in other ways. In other words, putting a feeling into words, such as "I'm angry," "I'm sad," or "I'm anxious," may weaken how strong that feeling is.

Why naming a feeling makes it easier

This phenomenon is called "affect labeling." Here is how it works.

In the same experiment, activity rose in part of the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain in charge of rational thinking) while people were putting their feelings into words, and the higher that activity was, the lower the activity in the amygdala. In other words, the rational act of "putting a name" to a feeling is thought to put the brakes on the emotional response.

On the other hand, if you leave a feeling as a vague unease without putting it into words, the amygdala is thought to stay active. The explanation is that the brain stays on alert against an "unidentified threat," so the uneasy feeling drags on. Once it has a name, it becomes a "threat you've identified," and the brain finds it easier to stand down.

The same principle explains why children are afraid of the dark. What scares them is "something they can't make out" in the dark. The moment they turn on the light and see, "Oh, it was just a chair," the fear disappears. Affect labeling is the act of turning on the light inside your mind.

Try naming the worries you feel about your question box

Let's try giving specific names to the negative feelings you have while running your question box.

"No questions are coming in." Is this "anxiety," "loneliness," or "impatience"? Once you name it, you can see how to deal with it. If it's anxiety, announce your question box more often. If it's loneliness, ask friends to send you questions. If it's impatience, remind yourself, "I've only just started."

"A critical question arrived." Is it "anger," "sadness," "frustration," or "fear"? If it's anger, wait a while before you respond. If it's sadness, talk it over with someone you trust. If it's frustration, use it as fuel to write a good answer. If it's fear, review your filter settings.

"I can't write my answers well." Is it "impatience," "lack of confidence," or "perfectionism"? If it's impatience, don't set yourself deadlines. If it's lack of confidence, reread past answers that people liked. If it's perfectionism, practice posting answers that are 70 out of 100.

Just by naming it, a vague uneasy feeling turns into "a problem you can deal with."

Once you name it, you can see how to deal with it

The real benefit of naming an uneasy feeling comes after that. Once you know what it is, how to deal with it comes into view naturally.

For example, if you can put a vague anxiety into words as "I'm scared of being ignored," you can deal with it in a concrete way: "It's anonymous, so I won't be embarrassed." If you can name it as "I'm comparing myself to others and feeling down," you can take action: "I'll look at other people's posts a little less."

An anxiety with no name is hard to get hold of, and it just looks big. But the moment you put it into words, it turns into "a problem you can deal with." When you're carrying an uneasy feeling, start by trying to name it. That is a solid first step toward solving it.

The question box itself is a "place for labeling"

Interestingly, a question box is also a tool that naturally encourages affect labeling.

Sending a question is an act of putting the uneasy feeling inside you into words. You turn a vague feeling like "Something has been bugging me lately" into a question like "I can't get motivated at work. What do you do about it?" Affect labeling happens during this process of turning a feeling into a question.

Sometimes, while writing a question, you realize, "Oh, so this is what I was worried about." Even before you send the question, you already feel a little better. This may also be because part of the prefrontal cortex works during the process of putting things into words, and the amygdala's response weakens.

The same goes for the person answering. When asked "What do you think?", they put their own thoughts into words. In the process, feelings and values they hadn't even noticed in themselves become clear.

For both the sender and the person answering, a question box works as a device that encourages affect labeling. Naming a feeling makes it less scary. Putting it into words makes it easier. The very act of "writing" in a question box can help you heal psychologically.