Empathy

Overview

Empathy is the ability to understand another person's feelings and state of mind and to sense them as if you were going through them yourself. Psychology divides it into two types: "cognitive empathy" (the ability to understand the other person's point of view) and "emotional empathy" (the ability to feel the other person's emotions yourself). Carl Rogers placed empathy at the core of the therapeutic relationship in his client-centered therapy.

The power of empathy in a question box

What people who open up about a worry in a question box want is sometimes empathy first, more than a solution. "That sounds really hard." "I get it, I've been there too." A single line like that can help ease the sender's loneliness.

It's easy to answer with something that's simply correct. "Try harder." "You're overthinking it." But being simply correct is the opposite of empathy. If you offer only a solution without taking in the other person's feelings, the sender may feel that "this person doesn't get me." Empathize first, then add advice if it's needed. That order matters.

Empathy vs. sympathy

Empathy and sympathy are similar but different. Sympathy can carry a sense of looking down from above, as in "you poor thing." Empathy is a sense of standing beside someone, as in "I understand how you feel."

If you write "That must have been tough, you poor thing" in a question box, it leans toward sympathy. If you write "That must have been tough. I've had a similar experience, so I understand how you feel," it leans toward empathy. What an answer should deliver is understanding, not pity. Because subtle nuance is hard to get across in text, it's worth taking care in choosing empathetic words.