Double bind
Overview
A double bind is a situation in which you receive two contradictory messages at once, and following either one leads to a negative outcome. It is a concept proposed by Gregory Bateson and colleagues in 1956.
A typical example is the instruction "Do it on your own initiative." If you follow the instruction, it's no longer "on your own initiative"; if you don't, you go against "do it." Whichever you choose, it contradicts itself. The essence of a double bind is a structure in which there seem to be choices, but in fact every choice is a dead end.
Double binds in a question box
The person answering in a question box often falls into a double bind. A typical pattern is being told "Answer honestly," answering honestly, and then being criticized with "You didn't have to say that." You were asked for your real feelings, so you shared them, and then you're attacked because they didn't like those feelings.
There's another pattern too. You're told "Answer every question" and also "Don't answer stupid questions." If you answer everything, you're criticized with "Be picky about quality"; if you pick and choose, you're criticized with "Don't ignore people." When several of your followers hold contradictory expectations, the person answering can be structurally placed in a double bind.
Escaping a double bind
The first thing that helps you escape a double bind is to change the rules of the game itself. Instead of choosing one of the two contradictory demands, you take a third option: "not accepting the demand itself."
In a question box, this means declaring "I answer by my own standards." You follow neither "Answer everything" nor "Be picky," and instead "answer the questions you want to answer, at your own pace." Once you make this stance clear, contradictory demands are less likely to push you around.
A double bind is a structure that takes advantage of your good intention to meet other people's expectations. Admitting that "it's impossible to satisfy everyone" is a fundamental way out of a double bind.