What to do about a mean question: 4 mindsets to avoid getting hurt

A mean question is not your fault

When you use a question box, heartless questions sometimes show up. Insults, teasing, private questions you don't want to answer. Getting questions like these makes you feel really awful, doesn't it?

The first thing we want you to know is that getting a mean question is not your fault. There's absolutely no need to think "It's my fault for making a question box" or "I left myself open."

People who send mean questions sometimes do the same thing to other people's question boxes too. You aren't necessarily being singled out; sometimes your question box just happened to catch their eye. It's their problem, not yours.

Mindset 1: act like you never read it

The basic way to deal with a mean question is to "ignore it." Don't react, don't answer, don't let it bother you. This is a method that tends to work.

The reason is that some people who send mean questions send them because they want to see "your reaction." You getting angry, getting sad, getting shaken. When they can't see that, they get bored and sometimes stop.

You might think, "But there's no way I can just not let it bother me." That's true; it's hard to not let it bother you at all. So instead of "not letting it bother you," try thinking of it as "acting like you never read it." You did read it, but you treat it like it never happened. Delete it and move on to the next question. That's all you need to do.

Mindset 2: screenshot it and talk to someone

If a question is too awful to ignore, or the same kind keeps coming again and again, don't carry it all by yourself.

First, take a screenshot to keep as evidence. The key is to capture the whole screen so the date and time are visible.

Next, talk to someone you trust. A parent, a teacher, a school counselor, a friend. Just showing them "I got a question like this and I don't know what to do" is enough. Rather than worrying alone, just talking to someone can make you feel lighter.

You might think, "Am I overreacting?" or "Is it okay to ask for help over something like this?" But if it felt bad to you, that's reason enough to ask for help.

Mindset 3: it's okay to close your question box for a while

When mean questions keep coming, closing your question box for a while is a perfectly good choice. It's not "running away." It's protecting yourself.

A question box is for having fun, not for putting up with things. If it's not fun, take a break. Once you feel calmer, open it again. That's completely fine.

If you post a quick note on social media like "Taking a break from my question box for a while," the people who wanted to send you questions will know too. You don't need to explain the reason in detail.

Mindset 4: remember that good questions are the majority

When one mean question arrives, it's easy to forget the good questions you got before it. People are thought to remember negative things more easily.

So try to consciously remember the good questions. Questions that made you happy, questions that were funny, questions that were fun to answer. There should be far more of those.

Giving up all the fun of your question box because of one mean question would be a waste. Delete the mean question and treasure the good questions you come across. That's the trick to enjoying your question box for a long time.

Even if you want to fire back, hold it in

When you get a heartless question, it's natural to feel like "I want to fire back at them." But it's wise to hold that urge in.

Arguing back emotionally can end up pleasing the person who sent it. That's because getting a reaction at all is sometimes exactly what they're after. The more worked up you get, the more likely the exchange is to escalate, and the bad mood spreads to the people watching too.

Not reacting is one response that tends to work. Not engaging with them isn't running away; it's a confident response. Seeing you not react, they may lose interest. Carry the strength to calmly let it slide, like a good luck charm you keep close.

If your heart gets hurt, it's okay to rest

However much you tell yourself "I won't let it bother me," getting hurt by heartless words is proof that you're a kind person. Please don't blame yourself for being hurt, telling yourself "It's because I'm weak."

If it feels hard, you don't need to force yourself to keep your question box going. Close it for a while, turn off notifications, step away from your phone. Put resting your heart above everything else.

There's no need to let one mean question darken your everyday life too. Listen to music you love or talk with someone you trust, and shift your mood. Once your heart recovers, the day will come when you can enjoy it again. Your mental health matters more than anything.