Never send these: a list of no-go questions for question boxes

No-go 1: Questions that ask for personal information

"Tell me your real name." "What school do you go to?" "Where do you live?" "What's your ID on LINE (a messaging app widely used in Japan)?" These are off-limits.

Asking for personal information the person hasn't made public is bad manners, even when you're anonymous. Even if they don't want to answer, they may feel uncomfortable just getting the question.

It's natural to feel, "But I want to get closer to them." If you want to get closer, start by building up fun exchanges through the question box. Wait for the person to share their personal information on their own.

No-go 2: Questions about looks or body shape

"Did you gain weight?" "How tall are you?" "Show me a photo of your face." Questions about appearance can hurt the other person even when you mean no harm.

Even if you asked lightly, it may be something the person feels insecure about. Questions about weight or body shape in particular can hurt someone deeply.

Compliments like "You're cute" or "You look cool" are fine, but avoid questions that dig into someone's appearance in detail.

No-go 3: Questions that force an answer

"You have to answer this." "Don't ignore me." "Why won't you answer my last question?" Questions like these put pressure on the other person.

A question box is a place where people answer the questions they want to answer. They have no duty to answer every question. Even if they don't answer yours, that's their choice.

Instead of getting angry that they didn't answer, it's more constructive to think, "Next time I'll send a question they'll want to answer more."

No-go 4: Questions that draw out bad things about others

It's also best to avoid questions that try to get the person to judge someone else, like "What do you think of X?" or "Don't you find Y hard to deal with?"

Questions like these put the person answering in a tough spot. If they answer honestly, they may hurt someone, and if they give a safe reply, people may read too much into it. Whatever they say, it could become the seed of trouble.

The words you draw out may be used to stir up relationships, as in "X said this about you." Don't try to make someone talk about a person who isn't there. This is an important point of manners for senders to keep.

No-go 5: Questions that reopen emotional wounds

You also shouldn't send questions that step into sensitive topics the person probably doesn't want touched, such as family situations, a painful past, or insecurities.

"Do your parents get along?" "Why did you leave your old school?" For the person, these may be wounds they don't want to remember. That one message, sent casually and anonymously, can leave them feeling very low.

Curiosity doesn't come before someone else's pain. When a topic feels like it might hurt if asked, leave it alone. Have the kindness not to barge into the parts of someone they don't want to show.

No-go 6: Rude questions meant as jokes

Some people send rude questions, saying "It's just for laughs" or "It's a joke." But it's the person receiving it, not the sender, who decides whether it's a joke.

Even if you meant to make them laugh, once they're hurt, it's no longer a joke. When you're anonymous, your facial expression doesn't come across either, so a remark you meant as a joke can come across as a plain insult.

Take a moment to imagine, "Will they be able to laugh at this?" If you think even a little that it might make them feel bad, hold off on sending it. A joke is only really a joke if the other person can laugh at it too. A "joke" that only one side enjoys is just rudeness from the point of view of the person receiving it. Before you send, don't forget where that line is.

How to decide when you're not sure

When you're not sure whether it's OK to send, try asking yourself this: "How would I feel if I got this question?"

If you'd feel happy, amused, or made to think, it's OK to send. If you'd feel upset, troubled, or scared, it's better not to send it.

Another test is "Would it be OK if this question and its answer were made public?" Assume the answer will be made public, and don't send a question that would cause trouble if it were.

Anonymity gives you freedom, but freedom comes with responsibility. Imagine the person on the other side of the screen. Use that moment of imagination to keep the question box a fun place.