What's the difference between questions people answer and ignore?

What ignored questions have in common

You sent a question to someone's question box, but no matter how long you wait, no answer comes. That can feel pretty discouraging.

Questions that tend to get ignored have things in common. The first is a question that ends with "yes" or "no." With "Do you like cats?" the answer stops at "Yes," which doesn't make for an interesting answer, so it tends to get put off.

The second is a question that is awkward to answer. Some people can't answer questions that are too personal, like "Do you have a boyfriend?" or "How much do you earn a year?", even if they want to.

The third is a question where it's unclear what you want to know. With just "What do you think?", the person can't tell what they're supposed to think about or in what way, so there's no way to answer.

3 tips for questions people want to answer

Tip 1 is to make it a choice between two. "Dog person or cat person? Tell me why!" is easier to answer than "Do you like cats?", and the answer gets livelier too. A choice between two takes little effort to think about, so people can answer it quickly.

Tip 2 is to add "what if." "If you could be invisible for just one day, what would you do?" "If you got 1 million yen, what's the first thing you'd buy?" A "what if" sparks the imagination, and the person answering will likely have more fun too.

Tip 3 is to add "lately." "Is there a song you've had on repeat lately?" is easier to answer than "What's your favorite song?" With "lately," people can answer casually based on how they feel right now. With "your favorite song of all time," some people feel pressure to narrow it down from all the songs in their life so far.

10 question templates you can use right away

When you can't decide, try picking one from this list.

1. "What made you laugh the most lately?" 2. "What's the first thing you do when you wake up?" 3. "If you could take just one thing to a desert island, what would it be?" 4. "If your mood right now were a color, what color would it be?" 5. "What was your dream when you were a kid?" 6. "If you could do it all over again, what would you change?" 7. "What do you want to do before this year ends?" 8. "If you were an animal, what would you be?" 9. "What are you into lately?" 10. "If tomorrow were the last day of the world, what would you eat?"

All of these are easy to answer and leave room for interesting answers. If you read the answer and think "Oh, I didn't know that!", that's a sign it was a good question.

Questions that bring out what someone is good at

One kind of question that's fun to answer is one about something the person is itching to talk about. Each person has their own field they know well and can't help getting excited about.

If you take a quick look at someone's profile and posts, you can find hints like "So this person loves this." If you ask "You seem to know a lot about X. What would you recommend for a beginner?", they may happily share what they know.

People tend to feel happy when they're asked about things they love. A question that brings out what someone is good at is like giving them a place where they can talk comfortably. A question that lets the person answering shine can truly be called a fun question.

Questions that leave room in the answer

A question that ends with "yes" or "no" tends to be less rewarding to answer. On the other hand, a question with room to talk freely can stir up the creativity of the person answering.

Instead of asking "Do you like it?", ask "What do you like about it?" Instead of "Did you go?", ask "How was it when you went?" If you open up the way you ask a little, it becomes easier for the person to answer freely in their own words.

Don't lock the answer into one shape, and leave room for the person to expand on it. Questions like that may bring out surprisingly deep talk and funny stories. A question with room in it gives the person answering the fun of thinking.

Questions that get a reaction after the answer

Questions that are fun to answer have one more feature. After the person answers, they get a reaction back.

"I see, so there's that way of thinking too!" "I'll try it, thanks!" Reactions like these let the person who answered feel that their answer really got through, and they'll likely feel happy. Compared with a single question and answer, one more round of conversation tends to raise their sense of satisfaction.

So when you send a question, send it planning to react once you get an answer. Don't just throw it and leave; think of it as a game of catch. That attitude leads to a pleasant exchange that makes the other person feel "I'd like to answer again."

The most important thing is being interested

We've covered a lot of techniques, but the most important thing is simple. Be interested in the other person.

A question that comes from the feeling "I want to know more about this person" gets through to them even without any technique. On the other hand, a question made by relying on technique will probably look somehow mechanical.

A question box is a place to turn your interest in someone into something real. You deliver the message "I'm curious about you" in the form of a question. If that feeling gets through, the other person will probably feel happy. Don't overthink it, and value your honest curiosity.