New school term: how to get closer to friends with a question box

The problem of having no way to start talking

In your new class or school club, there's someone you'd like to know, but you have no reason to start talking. You want to get along with the person sitting next to you, but you don't know what to say.

At times like this, a question box can be surprisingly useful. If you post "I made a question box, so send me something!" on social media, it can give the other person a reason to reach out to you.

Even if talking to someone directly feels like a big step, sending one message to a question box is easy. This easiness becomes the start of a new relationship.

How to send questions that bring you closer

When you send to the question box of someone you don't know well yet, we recommend starting with light questions.

"We're in the same class! What's your favorite subject?" "Have you decided which club to join?" "Where do you eat lunch?" Questions about school life like these are easy to answer without pressure, and they tend to lead to the next conversation.

Once they answer, you can use that as a reason to talk to them directly. Try something like "You said in your question box that you like math. Could you help me with it sometime?" A question box becomes a bridge to a real conversation.

Easy-to-answer questions show you care

When you send a question to someone you're not close to yet, put ease of answering first. Heavy questions or ones that pry into their private life right away tend to put the other person on the spot.

With questions they can answer casually, like "What music do you like?" or "Are you into anything right now?", they can reply without tensing up. The lighter the load on the person answering, the more smoothly the exchange tends to start.

Choosing questions that are easy for the other person to answer is itself a sign of kindness that says "I want to be friends with you." Keep your first message light and gentle.

Finding something in common brings you much closer

One shortcut to getting closer to someone new is finding things you have in common. You like the same music, play the same game, or watch the same show. Small matches like these lead to a sense of closeness.

Ask "What are you into?" in their question box, and if their answer includes something you like too, try reacting with "I love that too!" The conversation might take off from there.

People tend to feel at ease with someone who's similar to them. If you can find a small bridge in something you have in common, a relationship that still felt distant will gradually grow closer.

Replying quickly makes a good impression

When a question comes in from someone new, try to reply fairly soon if you can. The sender may be feeling a little anxious, wondering "Did it go through?" or "Did I ask something weird?"

When a reply comes back without much wait, they feel that you cared, and that becomes a chance to get closer. Your answer doesn't have to be perfect. A quick response is itself a sign that you welcome them.

Of course, you don't need to force yourself to reply right away. But at the start of a new relationship, a quick response can come across as kindness.

There's no need to rush

Using a question box doesn't guarantee you'll become friends right away. Even if the exchange doesn't continue, or it isn't as fun as you hoped, there's no need to feel down.

The distance between people closes a little at a time. With some people, you hit it off after one exchange. With others, you open up slowly over many exchanges. Both are natural.

What matters is not rushing for results. A question box is only one way to get started. Even if it doesn't work out, there will be other chances. Don't put pressure on yourself, and build your relationships at your own pace.

Doing it with the whole class gets everyone going

Doing it on your own is fine, but if the whole class makes question boxes, it should be even more fun.

If you set a rule that "everyone in the class makes a question box and sends one question to each other," people who don't normally talk get a chance to interact.

Because it's anonymous, the wall of "I'm nervous about talking to that person" gets lower. After trading questions, it's also fun to get excited over "Wait, did you send me that question?"

If you do it in the first week of the new term, the mood in class tends to relax. Suggesting it to your teacher is worth a shot, too.