Will people think my answer is weird? For those afraid of judgment

When you can't press the Answer button

A question arrived. You wrote an answer. But you can't bring yourself to press the Answer button. "Is this answer weird?" "Will they think it's boring?" "What if I totally missed the point?"

You reread it again and again, rewrite it, and reread it once more. In the end, after 30 minutes, you post something almost the same as what you first wrote. Or you get scared and stop answering altogether.

You're not the only one who's been through this. Posting a question box answer is like stepping onto a small stage. Of course you get nervous.

Nobody is paying that much attention to your answers

This may sound harsh, but there's something we want to tell you. Your followers might not be reading your answers that closely.

They scroll through their timeline, read it in a few seconds, think "Huh," and move on to the next post. Plenty of followers probably read that way. An answer you spent 30 minutes polishing might be just a few seconds for the person reading it.

This isn't sad. If anything, it's reassuring. If people skim it in a few seconds, few of them should remember even a slightly weird answer. Other people care about your answers less than you worry they do.

This kind of misjudgment is a tendency called the spotlight effect. In a 2000 study, Gilovich and colleagues reported that people tend to overestimate how much others notice their actions and appearance.

Where does the fear of being judged come from?

When you try to write an answer, you start picturing how someone might judge it: "Will they think it's weird?" "What if they say it's boring?" This feeling isn't unusual.

This fear might really be "something you're imagining." It isn't necessarily that someone is actually judging you harshly. Sometimes you jump ahead with "They might think this" and let the worry grow on its own.

It's precisely because people want to be accepted that they tend to fear rejection. That's completely natural. But that fear might be something that grew bigger inside your head. Just thinking about it this way helps you relax a little.

There's far more support than criticism

You might brace yourself, thinking "What if someone says something?", but in a real question box, there should be more support than criticism.

Many of the people who take the trouble to send you questions probably like you or are interested in you. There should be more people looking forward to your answers than people trying to tear you down.

Of course, once in a while, heartless words do arrive. But those aren't the only words that arrive. It would be a shame to be so scared of harsh voices that you miss out on the warm ones. First, try believing that the people cheering you on are really there.

The comfort of answering in your own words

Being judged starts to feel scary when you've convinced yourself "I have to give the right answer" or "I have to answer well." But there are no right answers in a question box.

Write what you felt and what you thought, in your own words. There's no answer more right than that. Your honest feelings, even if they come out a little clumsy, reach people's hearts far better than impressive words borrowed from someone else.

Once you can think "My own words are enough," the fear strangely starts to fade. One reason you get nervous is that you're trying to meet someone else's standards. If you remember that this is a place where you're the main character, you'll be able to answer without putting pressure on yourself.

The fear fades as you keep going

At first, just pressing the Answer button might make you nervous. But that fear fades little by little as you keep going.

You answer once and find out that "Actually, nothing happened." As those small experiences add up, a feeling of "It's okay" grows. Fear tends to soften as you get used to things.

So as long as you can take that first step, things get easier and easier from there. Don't aim for perfection. Just try answering one. Doing that again and again frees you, little by little, from the feeling that "other people's eyes are scary."

It doesn't have to be perfect

A question box answer isn't an essay or a speech. It's an extension of a conversation with a friend. Nobody thinks for 30 minutes before answering when a friend asks "What's your favorite food?", right?

"Write what you think, just as it is." That's the best answer. An answer written in your plain words feels nicer to read than one that's been polished and refined.

Write the answer that comes to you in the first 3 seconds, just as it is, and post it. If you're scared, close your eyes and press the Answer button. Once you've pressed it, stop thinking about it.

As you repeat this a few times, you should notice, "Huh, nothing really happens." Those experiences of "nothing happening" add up and slowly melt away your fear of being judged.