Not sure how to reply to a compliment? Good question box reactions

The freezing-up-when-complimented problem

A message arrives in your question box: "I love your answers, they're always so funny!" You're happy. Really, really happy. But you don't know how to reply.

Just saying "Thank you" feels a little cold. But being modest and saying "Oh, not at all" doesn't feel right either. Replying to a compliment is surprisingly hard.

Some people find it hard to handle compliments. A sense of "I have to be modest" can put the brakes on simply feeling happy.

4 recommended ways to reply

Pattern 1 is "be openly happy." "This makes me so happy! Thank you! Messages like this are my biggest motivation." It's simple, but it should make the sender feel "I'm glad I sent that."

Pattern 2 is "compliment them back." "Thank you! Someone who can send a message this lovely is lovely too." It's a way to start compliments going back and forth like a game of catch.

Pattern 3 is "add a story." "Thank you! Honestly, yesterday I couldn't think of anything to write and agonized for 30 minutes. Hearing this makes it all worth it." Showing what goes on behind the scenes makes it easier for people to feel closer to you.

Pattern 4 is "reply with humor." "Thank you! I took a screenshot and saved it. I'll read it again whenever I'm feeling down." Replying in a joking way takes the edge off the embarrassment.

Start by accepting it

When you get a compliment, there's something I'd like you to do before thinking up a clever reply. That is to simply accept the words.

If you cancel them out in your head with "Who, me?", the compliment flows right past you without ever reaching you. First, really take it in: "I'm so glad they said that."

The reply can come after that. Only once you've accepted the words will thanks come out naturally. A compliment is just like a gift. Don't push it back. Start by receiving it with both hands.

Don't worry if your reply isn't great

Someone complimented you, and you couldn't come up with a good reply. Afterward, you regret it, thinking "There might have been a better way to respond." Does that sound familiar?

But don't worry. The other person isn't grading how good your reply is. Getting a simple "Thank you" back should be enough to make them happy.

Saying thank you honestly, even while feeling shy, tends to come across as more human than a clever reply. You don't have to aim for the perfect response. There's no right answer for how to reply, so even if it's a bit clumsy, taking it in with your own words is plenty.

Save compliments in your emotional bank account

Don't just use up a compliment in the moment and forget it. Save it in your emotional bank account. Taking screenshots of messages that made you happy is a good way to keep them.

When you're feeling down, you tend to notice only your bad points. At times like that, rereading words you got in the past, like "I love this about you," might help you relax a little.

Compliments are like emergency rations for your confidence. If you store them up while you're doing well, they'll support you when things get hard. Keep the warm words someone gave you safe, as a good-luck charm to cheer yourself on.

Try giving compliments yourself

Once you know how good it feels to be complimented, try complimenting someone yourself. Pass the warmth you received on to someone else.

"I love this post." "I think this thing about you is amazing." A message you quietly send anonymously might brighten the other person's day. Compliments feel good for the person sending them, too.

When you get into the habit of finding the good in people and putting it into words, more warm exchanges may start happening around you. When you're complimented, accept it, and give compliments yourself too. That cycle makes the question box a kinder place.

Replies to avoid

What you should avoid is the "total denial" kind of modesty. "No, not at all." "I'm really not funny." This ends up rejecting the feelings of the person who complimented you.

They meant the compliment sincerely, so when they hear "No, not at all," they tend to feel "I shouldn't have said anything." It gets harder for them to send compliments next time.

You don't need to think up the perfect reply. Just "Thank you" is enough. What matters is accepting the compliment. Don't deny it. Accept it and say thanks. That way, you can properly respond to the feelings of the person who sent it.